= nikkimountain: Diagnose me
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Saturday, January 28, 2006

Diagnose me

mental_illness, mental_disease, psychopathy
Definition: Any disease of the mind; the psychological state of someone who has emotional or behavioral problems serious enough to require psychiatric intervention
-- Acute stress disorder .......check
-- Adjustment disorders .......check
-- Alcohol and substance abuse.... only "recreationally"
-- Amnesia.......when its convinient
-- Anxiety disorders...............check
-- Antisocial personality disorder.........absolutely
-- Attention deficit disorder..........HUGE CHECK..
-- Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder
-- Avoidant personality disorder........only when it comes to bill collectors, ex boyfriends, or stalkers
-- Bipolar disorder ....well thats debatable..
-- Borderline personality disorder ........check
-- Brief psychotic disorder.......only briefly
-- Cannabis addiction....No...thats probably the problem
-- Conduct disorder ......only sexually
-- Conversion disorder.....Ok this is communist..how dare they?
-- Delusional disorder...Oh you mean like actually believeing the guy you're with is faithful?
-- Dependent personality disorder.....check
-- Depersonalization disorder.....only if I were to go to bed with a 10 and wake up with a 2 .....which ofcourse I never do
-- Depression.....CHECK.... thats called single during holidays
-- Disorder of written expression.....this blog will answer that
-- Dissociative identity disorder ....do you know any teenager who didnt have this? .....I still have it
-- Enuresis (bedwetting) ....Only once....Thanks for the Tequila Mexico
-- Exhibitionism..... If this is a disorder..well it all makes sense now.
-- Expressive language disorder..... Check, yes sometimes I forget to say "Mother" before "Fucker"
-- Female and male orgasmic disorders..apperently since I am a female and I am able to orgasm....I'de say thats a disorder?
-- Fetishism....... CHECK
-- Generalized anxiety disorder..... check
-- General adaptation syndrome...Check...I have never adapted to the fact that the government is corrupt, politicians are liars, kids are starving in Africa, etc etc...Can't think about it or I'll Have a "Panic Attack"
-- Intermittent explosive disorder.......I'm female..I get PMS..and I date men.. CHECK
-- Kleptomania...Only mens hearts.....and their balls
-- Down syndrome.......red bull and vodka
-- Mania.....is that the feeling I get when I am shoe shopping?
-- Mathematics disorder....Holy shit.... why didnt they just name this female disorder?
-- Mental retardation....only while hungover
-Multiple personality disorder....No But that would be kind of cool.
-- Narcissistic personality disorder....According to everyone else.. check
-- Narcolepsy
-- Nightmare disorder.. Yeah I don't have enough of them...
-- Obsessive-compulsive disorder...like listening to the joy division song "Disorder" 10 times in a row?
-- Oppositional defiant disorder .....Well my family and friends might check this one for me
-- Pain disorder.......check... its called dating
-- Panic attacks ....check.....reality=panic attacks
-- Paranoid personality disorder....no way.. I'm like a shark when it comes to fear
-- Pathological gambling......yep
-- Post-traumatic stress disorder .....aka post relationship disorder
-- Premature ejaculation...yeah but im allowed...you're not
-- Primary insomnia.....check
-- Psychotic disorder, not otherwise specified...Well If I was Psychotic I wouldnt know I was psychotic so I cant answer that
-- Pyromania......only when it comes to bills
-- Reading disorder " "
-- Separation anxiety disorder.....yes when it comes to my money
-- Sexual Masochism and Sadism.......I plead the fifth...damn I'm Canadian, ok so just assume I'm busy sharpening my ice skates and leave it at that
-- Shared psychotic disorder....Isnt that called marriage?
-- Sleepwalking disorder.....check... this excuse comes in really handy
-- Social phobia....check..since the goverment makes up 1/2 of the population
-- Specific phobias....yep.. the male species
-- Stuttering....Only when I lie.....
-- Tourette syndrome.....check Tell your family you have tourettes and you can swear like a trucker at family functions and get away with it
-- Voyeurism.. not yet....

1 Comments:

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Grant said...

Where to begin..?

BTW, Thanks for visiting my BLOG. Come back again any time.

Cheers.

 

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