Excerpts from dating mail
Take a look some of the best and worst emails...1) guess you did'nt like my mug, I liked your's , take care Phil. ( at least hes intelligent)
2)I'm certainly not boring, I am intelligent, have a very good job, I have no criminal record I don't do drugs and best of all I haven't killed anyone either ( great..what about this little problem called your face though?)
3) why not just pretend like we're in some dimly-lit place ( can I barf now?)and we've just exchanged real smiles.
If that were the case I'd probably find out what you're drinking, set us up with a couple, ( a couple of swingers you mean?) then ask you what you do for living, what you find interesting about it. ( what do you think I find interesting about work? answer...fuck all!!)
If I had the impression that you were pretty sound, I might try to find out your favourite colour or something. Who knows? ( Im not sound..thank god)
(This is my favorite email yet...)
4)Going by what I remember of your list.... here goes!
-Confident but not arrogant.... for example, walking into a bar knowing your the best looking there... but just not saying it.
-Dominant but not controlling... Hmmmmm, there is a time and a place to tell eachother what to do.
Emotionally availiable...... Yep, got that covered
Financially Stable..... Define stable please.
Bad in a good way..... is that like "Phat" not "Fat"????? (ha, ha)
And edge....... they don't call me the razor for nothing...(OK, THAT WAS A JOKE...REALLY!!!!)
Leader......... absolutly (don't hold this against me later!)
Strong but not cold.....as every good leader is.
LOYAL.......... no problem....Seriously, hey just cause I'm a guy!!!!
Spontaneous..... Oh boy, likely on the extreme side
Most important... Brains. Well, you'll have to be the judge on that one, I think I'm border line genius... However, bias opinion.
the do not contact list.... I almost pee'd my pants laughing. (you know that just doesn't sound right for a grown man to say!)
Drug addict... nope
Booze.... rye and coke kinda guy, but not every day!
federal convict... let me check and see if my charges were federal !!
Gay... I did kiss a boy once for 20 bucks.. does that count??
Broke.... sometimes Unemployed..... well... Self employed
Valid Drivers licence..check !
Dying...aren't we all??? but not any faster than the next guy.
Fantasizing about under age girls...... You have had some bad lava experiances!
Male Prostitute.... Nope
Hate women.... if I did, then I would have to cuddle with boys.. and that just doesn't paint a pretty picture.
Hate children... If I did, when I read the last line of your profile I likely wouldn't have started this little novel.
Killed someone...... Ya but they totally deserved it.
( Next up the worst conversation in my entire online dating career....)
Him:
You look great and I fit your criteria, but tell me you're not as negative as your prifile seems.
ME:
Im not negative..Im cynical, there's a difference.
HIM:
Good to hear. Yup, there definitely is a difference...Important distinction. Sounds like you have your guard up, too which isn't necessarily a bad thing. As long is it's coming from a good place (good self esteem), I really dig strength and independence in a woman.
Wanna play a little game? I just thought of this. How would you complete this sentence?
[A few/Some/All] men are selfish jerks?
ME:
You ARE kidding me right???
I hope this is a trick question?
Sorry, but in good conscience, I will not answer that question..
I can tell you I do not hate men...is this sufficient?
A "game" for you....
Repeat the word condescending 5 times
Clap your hands
Do a 360 degree spin
Clap your hands again
Hold a head stand for 3 minutes..followed by the splits
Stand up and do the radio dance all the way back to your pc...and then get back to me.
( I actually was so certain he wouldnt be emailing back, when to my astonishment (cough) he proves me wrong)
HIM:
:-) Wow, those were some serious hoops, but I'm back now.
Not trying to be condescending...it's tough to get a feel for somebody online, and the only info I have to go on is a few sentences and a list of "don't"'s. I had to ask, and think it was a fair question.
PS I have to be honest....my coworkers said I only stayed on my head for 2:45.
(damn it I should have ordered him to do a permanent headstand.....)
posted by nikkimountain @ 4:54 PM
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